Two Men Walk into a Pub....

 The Mourinho Blues

Eight weeks in & those two old school pundits The Midweeker and The Weekender finally find a decent pub for a cheeky Sanchez burger and cup of tea/bottle of cider combo to sit down and chew the cud.

Midweeker - So what's going on with the British teams in Europe? Anyone would think that UKIP have branched out into football management!

Weekender - The Arse threw it away! Wenger showing his hands by dropping Cech or as some are saying 'resting' the big man! Meanwhile, Jose Mourinho is having much fun @ the Bridge! The way the Blues are playing they will be down @ the docks before the season has even really got going! Will it be a case of Costa coffee for Diego? If United & City don't pick up some points the Prem is in danger of losing a Champions League place!

MW - What about the Prem though? Chelsea have the blues, while those sly foxes have shocked us all and have ransacked the top of the table and even the Happy Hammers are Slaven away getting massive results near the top of the tree as well!

WE - It's pure madness! The way things are going Noble could be named in the next England squad (it's been overdue). The Foxes? Wow! Seven games in and they are practically safe already, who'd have thought of that from the Tinkerman?? Vardy is electric!

Not sure what's going on with Villa though? Thought Sherwood would be a hero for the Villains, he needs a new gillet and an Adebayour or Lerner will show him the Adebay-door!

MW -  Where has this Leicester striker appeared from? I'd Vardy heard of him last season?! Now he's an England striker??

What about Nolan & Big Sam @ the Boleyn Ground? An old school tough tackling bites yer legs midfielder and an even older school no nonsense football manager, surprised they haven't found new home already

WE - 'Arry to Newcastle? The Wally with the Brolly can't have much time left! The Looney Toons are in deep! Along with the Mackems, old Kaboul hasn't really done much! And Dick must be finding it hard with the amount of balls hitting the Sunderland net, could Big Sam end up @ the Stadium of Light??

MW - 'arry couldn't handle the commute! His old North London club are up & down like a hoe's drawers! Spurs threw it away against the Woolwich Wanderers playing Fazio in the back four when they were willing to pay his cab fare before the season started to ship him off to West Brom! It's was all doom and gloom with City due @ The Lane and Pochettino's men spank 'em 4-1!

WE - Yeah who saw that coming?! Even Kane scored! - I still think he won't hit double figures this season. Meanwhile Liverpool look proper w*&k! Rodgers must be glad Sturridge is back in the goals with rumours that Ancellotti is being lined up as the next boss of the Scousers

MW - Klop! Klop? Who's there? It's Jurgen the German banging on the Premiership door! Could he end up on Liverpool's doorstep?

Apparently Rodgers has lost the dressing room - he's been wandering around behind the scenes @ Anfield like a little lost sheep, surely it's signposted?? Someone point him in the right direct....

And with that, burgers polished off tea drank and cider downed there's a flurry of movement as sheepskins are donned and trackie tops done up to the chin. They are off into the now autumnal night parting with a firm handshake and murmurs of doing a podcast, (it's what the kids listen to nowadays apparently) they'll be back in a few weeks to do it all again

I am the resurrection

It's final day of the season! Two are down, and it's one from either Hull or The Toon! We've been in this situation before and it was The Toon that ended up sinking! Back then Big Al couldn't help stop the rot! It seems The Toon have this self destruct button they can't help but press! They've spent big on players that just haven't bothered bringing their boots to games! Updating twitter seems to be more important to them than putting in a solid 90mins for the fans! Even the returning Spider Man (Jonas) couldn't lift the players.

Now we find ourselves 90 mins away from seeing The Toon playing second tier football (again!) With the fact their playing against one of Ashely's so called lot -  The Cockney Hammer Mob from Down South, surely there shouldn't be any more incentive needed.... But wait a minute, put that cuppa down there's more to this story! This has all the makings of a Hollywood block buster! The extra added incentive for The Toon players, fans and management is that their facing a team managed by BIG SAM! (If you don't know the history between Big Sam & The Toon then you might as well give up watching football!) Add to the fact The Hammers look like their kicking the Big Man into touch after the match this game has got the lot! The half time Tea lady will have her work cut out! 

Personally i think The Toon should put out a team of kids! Whats the worst than can happen? The current 11 (minus Jonas & Krul) have been pure w`?k for the last few months! Throw in the likes of Tom Heardman  & Greg Olley - they will be fearless. The fans love a hero and unfortunately none of the current first team squad look like they would take a bullet for their mums let alone a stadium full of screaming Geordies! It's gonna be a long 90 mins today but for the sake of Football and a city full of Geordies i hope the men in black and white stripes deliver as The Premier League needs Newcastle as much as Newcastle need The Premier League!